Knowing
by TB's LMC
Summary: There comes a point at which you just know. Dana Scully has reached that point. And yes, I'm an MSR girl! Brand spankin' new, a companion piece to Season 3, Episode 2 'Paper Clip.'


Note: I don't know if spoiler alerts are necessary, but this story's a companion piece to 'Paper Clip' (Season 3, Episode 2) so it contains major spoilers for that and 'The Blessing Way' (Season 3, Episode 1) as well as a smattering of other earlier episodes.

I haven't written XF fic in years and years and years, so hopefully I'm not too rusty. I've been rewatching the episodes lately and just felt inspired again. These agents tend to do that to you…

 _Summary: There comes a point at which you just_ know _. Dana Scully has reached that point. And yes, I'm an MSR girl!_

* * *

 **KNOWING**

* * *

"I went to your father's funeral. I told your mother you were going to be okay."

"How'd you know?"

"I just knew."

Yes, she just knew. Because she'd seen him. Heard him. Against a backdrop of stars he had come to her to tell her he lived still. Yet even now, in the aftermath of the surety she'd felt to her very marrow, standing there in front of the elevator in his apartment building, she couldn't quite believe it.

That had always been the problem, Dana knew. Where the X-Files were concerned – where Mulder's beliefs were concerned – even if she experienced it firsthand for herself, saw it with her own eyes, or touched it with her own hands, as she had the small alien-looking creature she'd delivered to Deep Throat moments before his execution…she couldn't believe.

So she didn't explain. Didn't tell him why she 'just knew.' Didn't go into details or attempt to have a heart-to-heart. She'd been thinking she was about to become a dead woman. Only to have a dead man burst into the room and tear the very fabric of her world apart.

Because she'd known Mulder was alive. Deep down.

She'd _known_.

* * *

"It's up to you, Scully."

With those words, he had taken every last bit of doubt from her mind.

That Mulder would give up the chance to get at the very core of the Truth that had been the focus of his entire life from the moment he'd witnessed his sister's abduction…she couldn't fathom what it was taking from him to let the decision be hers.

Keep the tape and risk becoming hunted, but find his answers. Or let Skinner make the deal, handing the tape over and getting the two of them reinstated at the FBI.

She wanted – no, _needed_ – to see Melissa. The bullet hadn't been for her, it'd been for Dana. What if Missy didn't survive? What must Mom be going through right now?

Dana knew if the tables were turned…if it was Samantha's life on the line…Mulder would desperately need to see her, possibly with even more burning to do so than Dana felt for her own sister. She didn't want to be the one that took the only real chance for Mulder to find his Truths away from him. But she didn't want to not be there if Melissa died in her place.

When Mulder left the table and went outside, she felt her heart tearing in two. But really, there was only one decision she could make. The fact that he'd allowed her to be the one to do it – that he'd put the fate of his search, his entire _future_ in her hands – had only cemented her belief. In him. And in herself.

She looked at Skinner. Swallowed hard. Locked her gaze steadily on him. "Reinstated _and_ ," she said firmly, "no retribution."

He leaned forward slightly. "Even if your sister dies?"

Dana looked away. "Even if she dies."

"There's just one thing I want to know, Scully."

She met his eyes again as he nodded toward the diner's front door.

"Why?"

Turning her head, she looked at the door. Thought of the man who'd become _her_ purpose. Shook her head as she rose to her feet. How could she ever explain something to another that she couldn't even explain to herself?

"I'm not sure I can answer that, sir."

He rose, too. Left a few dollars on the table to cover the bill and tip. Looked like he might say something or perhaps lay a comforting hand on her shoulder. But he didn't.

"You're certain."

Giving her an out she didn't want.

She craned her neck back to look up at him. "Make the deal. But don't hand over the tape until Mulder agrees to whatever that deal is."

He nodded curtly, gestured toward the door. Time to face the future. Time to face Mulder.

Telling him was easy. The ride back to D.C., left alone in the back seat with her thoughts, regrets, hopes and fears, was the hard part. No one spoke, consumed as they all were with their own private wars. It was all Dana could do to breathe.

Yet the one time throughout the entire ride that Mulder twisted in his seat up front to look back at her, all it did was solidify her belief. Not only that she'd made the right decision, but in him. In her. In the something that had been between them from the moment they'd met. There was a connection. A tether she couldn't explain with science, and therefore couldn't ever hope to reconcile with everything she had always held true.

As he looked into her eyes, face bearing no expression, she knew he felt it, too. That _he_ knew. That perhaps he had known from the very beginning.

* * *

Even Mulder's touch couldn't make the pain go away.

But then…his words.

"I don't think this is about justice, Scully."

"Then what is it about?"

"I think it's about something we have no personal choice in. I think it's about Fate."

Fate.

She stared at him.

Told him she wanted answers.

And when he reached out and gathered her in his arms, she thought, maybe _this_ is the answer. A tear slipped from her eye. Splashed onto his coat.

"We'll find your answers." He placed a kiss to her temple. "I promise."

She pulled away just enough to look at him. Her nose brushed his. His fingers gently smoothed her hair away from her cheek. In the midst of their grief…

" _We've both lost so much."_

In the midst of so much hell, so much despair…

" _Scully, you are the only one I trust."_

What he'd done for her…

What she'd done for him…

" _I'm sorry about your father."_

Her sister, sacrificed.

His father, silenced.

" _I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you."_

Mulder himself very nearly killed.

No answers.

"Scully, I…" His voice trailed off.

Except perhaps this one.

"I know," she finally said. His eyes seemed to ask questions she simply wasn't prepared to answer right now. Couldn't dive in for fear of losing herself completely.

His thumb brushed her cheek. His eyes looked straight into her soul.

Her voice was barely there when next she spoke. "I think knowing might just _be_ the answer."

Now, seated in the room that now held only the ghost of Melissa, was neither the time nor the place. He pulled her head back to his shoulder. She let him. Reveled in his arms. Felt them seeping some semblance of warmth back into flesh that had gone cold the moment her sister had died.

"I think," he whispered, lips buried in her hair, "it might just be."


End file.
